By the summer of 1968 Betty had successfully settled down into a new life of being single again in her childhood home of St. Louis.  Her divorce was 6 years behind her and she had re-established ties and friendships from her youth and made new friends.  She was contently living in her Richmond Heights home with her youngest son Henry (then still "Hank") and the two poodles, Budget and Roué.

The Second Marriage

Shortly after the wedding - Aug. 31, 1968

Betty's sons Greg and I were both attending college in Colorado in 1968 and were spending the summer break with our father, Kirt Hine, in Garrison, New York after having visited mother in St. Louis on the way east.  I've recently come upon letters written by Betty to myself, Greg, and her sister that summer which have served to refresh my memory as to how fast things happened that July and August.   In a typically newsy 5 page letter dated July 5th mother wrote near the top of page 3:

Several days after returning from Jefferson City Betty phoned us in New York and announced that she would be getting married soon.  The news came as quite a shock to me as I had never known mother to be very impulsive.

On July 19th she wrote to me as follows:

By the time she wrote the next letter on August 6th Betty had already flown to California to visit John, the wedding date of August 31, 1968 had been set, and detailed plans had been made.  The August 6th letter is full of planned details for the wedding, reception, honeymoon, mother's move to California, etc.

Wedding Photo -August 31, 1968. Left to Right: Ted Hine, Brad Alderson, Molly Alderson-Gilhooly, Betty, John, Locke Alderson, Pat Gilhooly, Greg Hine, Henry Hine.

Betty's about-to-be second husband was John Locke Alderson.  John was born in 1913 and was thus a few years older then Betty.  Like Betty, he had grown up in St. Louis.  He'd attended Washington University there and gone into the insurance business.  In his capacity as an insurance executive he had lived in Dallas, TX for a number of years before being transferred to San Francisco by his longtime employer, the Travelers Insurance Company.  John had 3 grown and/or college age children (Locke, Brad, and Molly) and had lost his first wife to cancer.

Like Betty, John was a cigarette smoker and social drinker.  At the time he met Betty (and for the early years of their marriage) he lived east of the Bay Area in Concord, California, and commuted into San Francisco each week day to work.

In mid August 1968 Greg and I returned to St. Louis in time to pack some of mother's most immediately necessary belongings into her Oldsmobile station wagon and, along with the two dogs, drive it to California in time for the wedding.  Mother arranged for moving her house full of furniture and belongings via a commercial moving company and caught an airplane to California.  (I assume the house was put on the market before her wedding and sold sometime after it.)

I had not met John nor any of his family until the day before the wedding.  The wedding and reception happened exactly as planned and the happy couple headed to Carmel, Calif. for their honeymoon as I headed back to college in Colorado for the fall semester.

Married Life, John's Retirement, and Leisure Town

Christmas time 1968

Betty and John quickly settled into married life at 1834 Fillmore Way in Concord California.  Son Hank enrolled as a senior at the local high school and lived at home though all of John's children were mostly living away from home by this time.  For recreation the newly weds took a class in metal casting and sculpture and Betty, being the social person she was, quickly got to know John's friends and got re-acquainted with some of her longtime friends who over the years had moved to California.

Christmas time 1968

In May of 1969, only about 9 months into the marriage, John was diagnosed with a heart problem, was in and out of the hospital several times that summer, and missed work for a number of months.  By early 1970 the Travelers Insurance Company had granted John a medical early retirement (he would have been 56 years old at the time) and the couple started researching retirement communities to move to.   On March 20th, 1970 they moved to a small one story condominium at 101 Sequoia Dr. in Vacaville, CA located about 30 miles west of Sacramento.  The  retirement community was called "Leisure Town" and it contained all the expected amenities including no lawn to mow, a golf course, a community center with swimming pool, shuffle board courts, game rooms, etc.

101 Sequoia Dr.,Vacaville, Calif. June, 1970. (My car in driveway.)

I recall thinking two thoughts when I heard of their move to Leisure Town: first, that they were to young to be "put out to pasture" in such a place and second, that a planned retirement community was not exactly mother's living style.  But they did fine there for several years.  Hank was now off at college and I believe both poodles had passed away from old age by then so they were free to travel.  Mother's 1970 Christmas letter indicates that she and John drove 9,000 miles through 27 states that year while visiting friends all over the county.  Over the next 3 years the couple would travel frequently, both for weekends, and on longer trips including one to Hawaii.  They also enjoyed entertaining friends from all over the country who came by to visit.

John and Betty in 1971

Both were excellent Bridge players and they played a lot of this card game with friends during this period.  I visited them several times in Vacaville (both in the summer and at Christmas time) and one thing that was quite apparent about their home there was the lack of space to entertain guests, particularly overnight ones which Betty had always enjoyed having.  I also observed that Betty and John, while being active and never bored, weren't using the retirement community amenities they were paying for.  Neither played golf, they didn't swim frequently, if at all, didn't play shuffle board, etc.  These observations would be symptomatic of things to come.
 

The Move to Hermann, Missouri

By early 1973 my brother Greg and I were busy starting a business in Colorado but stayed in touch with mother via letter and occasional phone call.  I recall mother mentioning at some point that she and John were looking into purchasing a larger condominium or perhaps a freestanding home in Leisure Town.  Then out-of-the-blue in the spring mother called and indicated that she and John were moving to rural Hermann, Missouri.  Like Betty's 1968 wedding, the decision to move to the mid-west hit me as a sudden, yet pleasant, shock.

January 1976 (the old "Store" portion at left)

Apparently they had started thinking about moving to Missouri on a visit there the previous fall and then in February 1973 had spent a month there looking into the options.  The brother of John's first wife, Dick Bradley, a St. Louis surgeon, had a weekend home near Hermann, a Missouri River farming community about 90 minutes west of St. Louis by car and Betty and John decided that they liked it there.  Their reasons for pulling up stakes in California and moving to Missouri included the fact that both John and Betty had Missouri roots, the cost of living was much lower, and it was centrally located in the U.S. thus making it easier to visit their far flung friends and for their friends from all over the country to visit them.

The "Store" in the 1800's from a 2004 Hermann area bank calendar.  (Inset shows improvements made after Betty and John had moved elsewhere in 1995.)

They purchased an old farmhouse along with 35 acres of farm and wooded land about 6 miles south west of the Missouri River town of Hermann. (Follow Rt. 100 west out of Hermann till it junctions with J Road, then on J Road 1/4 mile across the bridge over First Creek and you were there.)  The farmhouse had started as a one room store in 1876 and a house was added to it in 1910 which was built from timber cut on the property.  At some point the store had been the Post Office for the now-defunct community of Gebler.  All things considered, the farmhouse  was of some local historic interest and at some point became known as the "Old Store At First Creek".  While they purchased the property in the early Spring it would be June before they could move in.  The house had not been occupied for a number of years (I can't remember exactly how many but perhaps 5 or 10) and was what real estate agents today call a "fixer-upper".  It needed a lot of work some of which needed to be completed before they could move in.

The town of Hermann in the fall.

Hermann was (and still is) an interesting town.  It was founded in the early-to-mid 1800's by Germans who moved west from Pennsylvania and settled there because the combination of the Missouri River and the rolling hills reminded them of the Rhine Valley in Germany.  German was apparently the language spoken in the local schools till around the time of World War II (the early 1940's) and a high percentage of the local residence were of German descent even in the early 1970's and later.  The local citizens were friendly, hard working, politically conservative, and when anyone had a problem, friends and neighbors would turn out to help however they could.

1973 map Betty drew to direct family to the "Farm" for Christmas.  (Click to enlarge.)

When Betty and John first arrived  (and still today I suspect) the town itself had a population of about 2500 and, while there was a limited amount of small industry in town, it survived economically mostly by supporting the outlaying farm community.  Most of the local retail establishments were of the "mom & pop" variety as Hermann was to small to support large chain stores such as Wal-Mart which by the early 1970's was beginning to dominate retailing in the U.S.  In 1973 there were already some St. Louis professionals who had purchased weekend homes in the area (some to historically restore) and more would do so over the 23 years John and Betty would live there.  In addition, over the years they spent near Hermann the town would become known for it's wine making and at least 3 successful regional "boutique" wineries would operate there by the 1990's along with a big cottage industry of Bed & Breakfasts, antique, arts & crafts, and souvenir shops, etc. to attract St. Louis residents on weekends.  The community had a strong sense of its history and sponsored several festivals each year including a Maifest in May and Octoberfest in the fall.  Hermann was a charming place to live.  In my view the area in and around Hermann was rural American living at it's best and I always enjoyed visiting there.

In moving to Hermann, Betty was returning to the "country" lifestyle she had enjoyed from 1942 to 1962 in New Jersey.  Having spent her early years in the urban centers of St. Louis and New York City she would end up spending 43 of her 78 years living in rural environments.

Life in the Country

December 1978 aerial view of the Farm showing the out-buildings.  The property lines were roughly defined by First Creek, J Road (crosses the bridge) and the boarder between the light and dark areas in the trees   across the photo's top.  The "man-made" looking object in the woods at the center top was a pond to provide water for grazing cattle.

Betty and John moved into their new home on June 14, 1973.  Their postal address was RR 2, Box 88, Hermann, MO, 65041 (the RR stood for Rural Route).  To the best of my knowledge it had no street address.  For reference when communicating with locals it was called the "old Feil place or store" (the Feil family had owned and run the store for many years), the "house at First Creek", and later "the "Old Store at First Creek".  Many local residents in the Hermann area knew exactly where this was because many had learned to swim as children at the First Creek bridge right next to the house.  It was apparently the best swimming hole in Gasconade County and parents regularly brought their kids to swim there even in the years Betty and John were there.  In later years when I visited Hermann more often and got to know the locals it was quite common when I mentioned where I was staying for them to say "oh yes, I learned to swim there".

Christmas time 1978

Starting before they moved in and continuing into the fall Betty and John made some major improvements and changes to their new home including drilling a well for household water, installing a septic tank in the yard, renovating the wing of the house which would contain their first-floor bedroom along with adding a large bathroom, improving the kitchen, removing the wall between the first floor parlor and sitting rooms to create a single large living room, and adding a large country living room fire place and chimney.  Cracking plaster in upstairs rooms was fixed, the upstairs bathroom was re-done, and storm windows were fitted over the existing ones through out the house.  They also installed a propane fired furnace in the basement and forced-air heating into all rooms on the first floor.  (The second floor continued to be heated by the quite old water boiler located in the basement which circulated hot water to the upstairs old-style radiators.)  A wood burning stove was installed in the Store to provide winter heat, several windows were added to Store walls, and a railing was added to the Store porch.  Finally a earthen berm was created in back yard to direct rain water runoff from the hill away from the house.  In later years, in addition to a number of smaller improvements, they would have foam insulation injected into all the external walls as an energy saving measure and would add central air-conditioning to the first floor forced air heating system.

Christmas time 1978.  Buildings from left to right: Storage shed (white), Store/house, storage shed (white directly behind house), garage, chicken coop, barn.

After the initial improvements were made Betty and John had a very livable place to settle into.  It was large and provided ample space for entertaining and for boarding a number of overnights guests.  In addition to the house, the property contained several out-building including a large rugged barn.  The house was somewhat out of the ordinary in that it had a metal roof and metal siding which, while making a lot of noise in a hail storm, proved quite functional over the years.

The improved home consisted of a large living room, a good sized formal dining room, a huge country kitchen, and a master bedroom and bath on the first floor.  On the second floor were 3 adequate size bedrooms, a large common area, and a large bathroom.  A full basement was located under the home part of the structure.  Attached to the living part of the building was the 100+ year old store which consisted of one huge room with a porch on the front and a full loft up a sturdy flight of stairs.  In their early years living on their "Farm" Betty and John used the "Store" for entertaining and as a hobby shop with the upstairs loft used to store all the stuff that both had accumulated over the years which wouldn't fit elsewhere.  In later years when they were no longer entertaining much and medically had trouble climbing stairs, the Store became a storage area by default.

Christmas time 1978

For a number of years after moving to Hermann the only phone service that was available at the Farm was what was known as a "party-line".  The cost of installing phone wires way out in the country was prohibitive so neighbors shared one set of wires and could only tell who a phone call was for by the different ring patterns associated with each phone number.  If one of your neighbors was on the phone when you picked it up you could listen in on their conversation and couldn't make or receive calls.  After a number of years a private line did eventually become available.  Also, the television and radio receptions at the Farm was poor due to the long distance to the transmitters in the St. Louis area.  Even with a large roof antenna only a couple of TV stations could be picked up and they were often fuzzy, much to the frustration of some of us who visited from areas where we had excellent TV service.  When Betty and John first moved to the Farm satellite TV did not exist but even after the option became available in the 1980's they choose not to subscribe as neither was a fanatic TV viewer.

Summer 1988

Betty's 1973 Christmas letter contained some interesting information and comments about their move to Hermann and the trials and tribulations of their first summer and fall there. 

The area was rich in wildlife including dear, fox, raccoons, ground hogs, snakes, etc and a wide variety of colorful birds frequented the porch behind the kitchen where Betty and John always had bird seed available for them during the cold months.  Country living did have it's downsides.  The phone and/or electric power could go out for day's at a time due to a fallen tree down the road somewhere and the roads were not cleared as quickly as other areas after heavy snowfalls making it difficult to get into Hermann at times.

Summer 1985.  The garage in back of the house in 4 feet of water.

Summer 1985.  Car parked in front of the house.  The row of reflective lights in the upper left are on the bridge.  Photo taken from Store porch.

Perhaps Betty and John's most serious problems with country living were due to flooding.  This part of Missouri was subject to periodic floods.  Heavy rain would back up the tributaries feeding into the Missouri river and First Creek was no exception.  Several times (perhaps 3 to 4) during their years at the Farm they experienced serious floods where water would fill the basement, the front and back yards, and the field on the First Creek side of the house.  Fortunately the builders of the Store and subsequently the house apparently knew about the periodic floods and built the structures living areas a little higher then the surrounding ground.  I believe that Betty and John lost 3 cars to floods during their time in Hermann, the first near town when it got trapped as the water level rapidly covered a road, and two with the car parked in front of the farmhouse (one in 1985 and the other in 1993).

A summary of the farm home and property appears in the 1994 real estate listing.

While Betty and John enjoyed the country life, they never actually worked the Farm nor ever pretended to be farmers.  Shortly after moving onto the Farm they made arrangements with a neighboring farming couple, Marvin and Lorene Bruens who lived about 1/3 mile away across J Road, to work and manage the land for them.  I never knew what the exact arrangement was but I believe Betty and John were paid a small amount for the use of the land, probably less then it was worth.  More important than any money made was the fact that the land was being cared for.  Marvin and Lorene grew crops in the field between the house and First Creek (usually corn), ran cattle in the field up on the hill, stored farming equipment in the barn, and generally took care of the property so it would not become overgrown or run down.  This arrangement worked well and lasted all 22 years Betty and John lived on the Farm.  The Bruens' became very close friends and were available whenever needed to help out.

The Old Store at First Creek. A watercolor painted for Betty and John by local artist and former Hermann school teacher Alice Jacobson. For many years the 15" by 10" original hung in the home.

1973 to 1986

1975 "American Gothic" photo in the corn field.  This photo captured the essence of their early life at the Farm and copies were displayed in the homes of many of Betty and John's 6 respective children for years.

The years at the Farm between 1973 and 1986 would be good ones for Betty and John.  As was mother's habit, she quickly made friends with the neighbors and town-folk.  Betty and John both became active in local community volunteer organizations.  Over time Betty would become President of the Garden Club, Secretary of the Woman's Club and an active member of the Hermann Weavers Guild.  John would serve as Secretary-Treasurer of the Lions Club and both would be active in Historic Hermann, the local historical society which had restored several properties in town including the old school house which was turned into a museum.  They both also for a time delivered food to those in need for Meals-on-Wheels.

John carves a ham at the April 1980 Big "A" Awards.

Reminiscent of the annual parties Betty and her neighbors in New Jersey had thrown in the 1950's, Betty and John for a number of years hosted an affair they called the Big "A" Awards which was held sometime after the fall hunting season (though neither was a hunter).  (I don't think I ever knew what the "A" stood for, perhaps Alderson, perhaps deer antlers, perhaps something else.)  Lots of local and St. Louis friends were invited, a big meal was provided (usually in the Store) along with appropriate adult beverages and humorous awards were presented to hunters for various categories of success (and/or failure) during the hunting season.  A great time was always had by all.

1980 in New York at the wedding of niece Lex with sister Harriet (left) and college friend Janie Rich-Mueller (center).

Betty and John traveled frequently during this period.  Trips included everything from extended driving trips to various parts of the country to weekends with friends in St. Louis.  They never had pets during the Hermann years (except for the occasional feral cat that would take up residence under one of the porches) likely to allow them the freedom to travel.  When they were not traveling, friends were invited to come stay at the Farm.   For many years it seemed to me as if they were constantly running a hotel for friends and relatives who were passing through.  One group would arrive as another was leaving.  Between Betty and John, both of whom had by now lived in many parts of the country, they had good friends living in all areas of the U.S. and Hermann was conveniently located where these friends could easily stop by when heading east or west across the country.  During this period Betty and John continued to play Bridge whenever they could find other's to play with and out of town visitors often provided worthy opponents.

Betty & John visiting friends Carlee and Woody Walker (right) in New Jersey (1977).  Second  from left is Kay Henry, my regular childhood  baby sitter.

In their early years in Hermann John's daughter Molly, her husband Pat, and children Brian and Katy lived in St. Louis and would come out to the Farm some weekends.  About the time Molly and family moved to Hawaii Betty's son Henry moved to St. Louis and he and his wife Cindy could frequently be found visiting the farm on weekends and holidays along with Betty's two grandsons, Charley and Kirt and Cindy's daughter from a previous marriage, Anna.

At the July 1979 wedding in St. Louis of Betty's son Henry to Cindy Bradley, daughter of John's first wife's brother.

I recall that Henry and Cindy had a very large dog named J.D. Moose who would spend his entire time visiting the Farm running and leaping through the fields, something he couldn't do at home in St. Louis.  At various times over the years Betty and John's other children would periodically visit, Greg and I from Colorado, Locke, wife Barb and kids Johnny and Becky from Dallas, and Brad, wife Sandy and daughter Jill from California.  The kids and grandkids could entertain themselves seeing the sites in Hermann proper or wandering the 35 acre property, riding the tiny tractor John had purchased, playing in the barn, swimming in First Creek, visiting the animals at neighboring farms, target, trap, or skeet shooting, etc.  It was a great place to visit and I always enjoyed being there immensely.

1975 Christmas Tree.

The Holiday season was a special time for Betty.  Starting each Thanksgiving she and John would have family and/or friends over for a huge country style turkey dinner with all the trimmings which Betty and John would prepare in the large country kitchen.  Most Christmas' (except for 2 or 3 spent in Colorado with sons Ted and Greg) at least some of Betty and/or John's family would show up at the Farm.  I made it most years that they lived in Hermann.  Till she passed away in 1985, Betty's sister Harriet ("Dede") would fly out from New York City, usually with her daughter Lex, to spend each Christmas through New Years in Hermann.  Other family members would come various years as they could.  While the outside of the house was never decorated much, the inside was and a large fully decorated Christmas tree was always present in the living room.  A fire was often burning in the fireplace to take the chill off the winter air and Hermann friends and neighbors would frequently stop by to deliver gifts and have a holiday drink.  The house was always alive and full of people, holiday cheer, and good food.  This was definitely the picture the author had in mind when he wrote the Holiday song containing the verse "over the river and through the woods to grandmother's house we go".

Christmas morning 1978.  John explains the Treasure Hunt rules.

A "family tradition" which Betty had started in New Jersey when she needed to keep us kids occupied and away from the presents under the tree while she prepared Christmas morning breakfast was the Treasure Hunt.  In the Hermann years John took over the job of writing the treasure hunt clues and on Christmas morning those of us present could be found following picture and/or word clues around the house and Store to fine the next clue.  Eventually a present would be found at the end of the clue trail.

1978 Christmas Dinner in the Store.

The Christmas of 1978 was a very special one.  By prior invitation and after much planning, virtually all of Betty and John's children and grand children were there along with Dede and Lex Nalley from New York.  All the beds in the house were in use along with sleeping bags on the floor and a motel room or two in town.  Dinners were served at a huge table in the Store since even the large dinning room could not accommodate everyone.  Mother had even decorated the Store for the occasion.

Christmas morning 1978 opening presents.

This was a Christmas none of us there will ever forget.  On Christmas morning you could barely move around the living room without stepping on people and/or opened presents.
 

1982 with friends at the corn field on the side of house.

Betty had been raised in the Presbyterian church as a child and during her years in New Jersey was a member of the Episcopal church.  While she was never overtly religious she always made a point of attending church weekly in New Jersey as I grew up.  In St. Louis after her divorce she joined another Episcopal church.  During her Hermann years, however, she and John were apparently not a member of any specific church nor do I recall them ever attending church during this period (at least not while I was visiting).  I remember mother once saying that there was no Episcopal church in Hermann though there were numerous other churches which they could have attended.  Mother's only religious endeavors that I recall during this period were the cultural and secular aspects of Christmas.  She loved Christmas music and pageantry.  The only obvious sign of religion in the Herman household during these years that I recall was the fact that John always said grace before each sit-down dinner.

Hooked Rugs Betty made in 1977 with  the product logos of her son's  company on them.

During this period Betty continued her artistic endeavors but in slightly different ways then in earlier years.  In the 1950's and 1960's Betty had involved herself primarily with ceramics and to a lesser degree knitting.  The only evidence I have that she did any ceramic work at all in Hermann are two ashtrays she gave me which are dated 1977.  I don't recall ever seeing any other ceramic work from this period (which doesn't mean that there wasn't more).  I suspect that Betty set up her kiln in the basement (the logical place from a fire safety perspective) and then learned the hard way that this would not make a good work studio when the basement seriously flooded the first time.  Both Betty and John took local courses in welding and silk-screening but, like ceramics, not a lot of work from these artistic endeavors were created and/or survive to the best of my knowledge.    For whatever reason, the majority of Betty's artistic work from her Hermann days were in the form of needle-point, rug-hooking, and quilting projects.  As she had in previous years with ceramics, she gave a lot of her work away to friends and family.  At some point, I think in the mid to late 1970's, Betty started making what I believe was called "friendship-quilt".  She contacted all family members and many friends asking them to submit to her a sketch of a predetermined size (about 1 foot by 1 foot if I recall correctly) that represented something special in their relationship.  Then Betty planned to embellish each sketch (perhaps with needle-point) and then sew all the pieces together into a large quilt.  In the early 1980's Betty began to be afflicted with rheumatoid arthritis in her finger joints which got progressively worse over time.  Within a few years it became to painful for her to continue doing artistic work of any type and she apparently never finished her friendship-quilt.

January 1976 in the kitchen.	January 1976 in the dining room.  On the table are some of Betty's china plates and crystal stemware.
August 1983 balloon landing near Boulder, Colorado.  The balloon ride was a present from Betty's son Greg the previous Christmas.	February 1986 in Hawaii visiting John's daughter  Molly Alderson-Gilhooly and her family.

1986 to 1996 - The Final Years

The years in Hermann from 1973 till 1986 were good ones for Betty and John, a time of general contentment and happiness.  1986 would represent a turning point when, in the spring, Betty was diagnosed with breast cancer.

Summer, 1986 recovering from cancer treatments at the living room game table at which Betty in future years would spend much of her time when she could no longer easily get around.

Betty would turn 69 in 1986 and, as a general rule, had been pretty healthy her entire life in spite of her life long habits of cigarette smoking and social drinking.  I had never known her to get any regular physical exercise that amounted to much at any time in her life including the Hermann years.  John and Betty lived a very socially active but physically sedentary life and by the early 1980's Betty was beginning to put on a few extra pounds.  Betty had undergone a hysterectomy in the mid 1960's and sometime in the late 1970's or early 1980's she found that she was highly allergic to sulfides in foods or beverages.  If she ingested sulfides she would go into anaphylactic shock and require immediate medical attention.  She dealt with this by being very careful about the food that she ate, particularly at restaurants when traveling, and by always carrying in her purse a prescription syringe and antidote which John was capable of administering in an emergency.

July 1988 with grandsons Kirt and Charley Hine in the farmhouse dining room.

Betty had always had regular physical exams (including breast exams) and at her regular doctors exam in the spring of 1986 breast cancer was found.  She under went a mastectomy in April followed by intense chemotherapy and radiation treatments.  As is common in cancer patients her hair fell out and for a period of time I recall that she wore a wig.  The treatments also kept her feeling weak and sick all the time but she had plenty of moral support from John, family, and friends and after a time the cancer stopped spreading and went into remission.  If I recall correctly Betty was statistically given only several years to live when she was first treated.  But Betty was tough and wouldn't give up easily.  She made it 10 years before finally passing away from the effects of the cancer and I believe it reappeared and went back into remission several times during this period.

Christmas time 1986 in my Louisville, Colorado kitchen

After the initial cancer treatments life began to slow down for Betty and John.  While they continued to travel, it wasn't as often nor as ambitious as in the past and overnight visitors to the farm became less frequent.  Around this time John developed emphazema and began to periodically have trouble breathing, a result of many years of smoking.  I note that Betty's many years of smoking apparently never affected her in any way except for the ever present smokers "hack" (cough) she exhibited during her later years.  Betty had many medical problems during her last 10 years, mostly caused by the cancer, but heart and/or lung problems weren't among them.

Betty and John drove to Colorado to spend Christmas 1986 with her sons Ted and Greg near Boulder.  Other family members also made the trip to Colorado that holiday season.  Due to the altitude John required supplementary oxygen which was provided from a rented tank.  Betty, in spite of her recent cancer treatments was in better shape medically then I expected.

April 1988 with family at Disney World, Florida.

Betty, recognizing that she wasn't getting any younger, continued to organize and promote family get-togethers.  In the spring of 1988 all three of Betty's sons along with their respective families congregated in Orlando, Florida for a week stay at Disney World.  Both Betty and John were having problems by then standing on their feet for extended periods of time so they spent most of the week being transported around Disney World in rented golf cart type vehicles available for the handicapped.

By the late 1980's both Betty and John had serious problems getting around.  John was in better shape than Betty but periodically needed oxygen and Betty was having trouble walking due to a combination of cancer complications and, I suspect, because she just wasn't exercising her legs enough.  Fortunately, their bedroom was on the ground floor of the farmhouse so they didn't have to climb stairs. (I suspect that Betty didn't climb the stairs to the farmhouse second floor or go down into the basement for perhaps the last 8 to 10 years she lived there.)  John would help Betty get around the house as needed.

January 1990 in living room.

They could manage to drive the car to town for food and other necessities and had the services of a house-keeper several half-days a week who cleaned and helped out.  Friends and neighbors would come by to check on them, do errands, and help out as they could.  Betty was beginning to spend most of her waking hours sitting in the living room in a chair at a game table from which she could monitor living room activities, the front door, and had a view into the kitchen.  She spent her time reading a lot, chatting with visitors, and organizing and taking pills which had become numerous.  I don't know how many pill prescriptions she had but there were a lot, perhaps in the neighborhood of 10 types of medications for the various afflictions related to the cancer from which she was suffering.  Being extremely organized, Betty kept a list on her table of the times each pill was to be taken and every hour or so would stop whatever she was doing to down a pill or two according to the schedule.  She was also slowly loosing the use of her left arm which by about 1992 or 1993 was no longer functioning at all.  But through all of this Betty always maintained a positive attitude and never gave up.

There were numerous discussions among family members about the desirability of Betty and John moving into a nursing home and some research was done in that regard.  John would have loved to move to a nursing home where he would not have to worry about helping Betty out as much and where medical help would be much closer however Betty, being fiercely independent, wasn't the least bit interested so they continued to live at the Farm.

1991 at the Gunflint Lodge in northern Minnesota

In the summer of 1991 there was a family vacation and reunion in northern Minnesota at the Gunflint Lodge on the Boundary Waters near the Canadian boarder.  Betty and John were there along with all 3 of Betty's sons, their families, Brad, Sandy and Jill Alderson and Dick & Lu Bradley.  I flew to St. Louis and drove Betty and John north and back as they (and the rest of the family) were getting leery of their ability to drive safely, particularly long distances.  Betty could barely walk without assistance but that didn't stop her from going out in boats with fishing guides and family and generally having a great time.  Betty wasn't going to let not being able to get around on her own interfere with  spending quality time with her family.

In early 1992 Betty arranged for nationally known Pulitzer Prize winning poet and former Poet Laureate of the United States Richard Wilbur to come to Hermann for a poetry reading during Missouri Writers Week.  Betty's closest friend since World War II was "Dick" Wilbur's wife Charlee.  While I'm sure Betty didn't arrange all the details of the visit to Herman due to her declining medical condition, the Wilbur's did stay with Betty and John and the event was well attended and a really big deal for the local literary community. 

In August of 1992 all of Betty's sons and their families along with some of John's kids came to the Farm in Hermann for a weekend to celebrate mother's 75th birthday.  Some of us had the nursing home discussion again but concluded that having the kids force the issue was probably not warranted.  Betty and John's continued living at the Farm was marginal but currently stable if not somewhat hard on John.  I returned that December for Christmas and again viewed the living situation as awkward but not apparently getting any worse.

July 1989 on Store porch with visiting family members.

In August of 1993 Betty was suddenly taken to the Hermann hospital, apparently near death.  I don't recall the exact medical diagnosis but her body had evidently stopped producing red blood cells.  Her doctors gave her a blood transfusion to keep her alive till family members could come say their goodbyes and gave her only several weeks to live as I recall.  I immediately headed to Hermann where I found John in a state of depression at the farm and a day later had to put him in the hospital with problems I suspect were more stress related than physical.  In the hospital mother looked emaciated having lost a lot of weight since I had last seen her, was so weak she could barely sit up in a wheel chair, and had to be hand fed.  She had also lost most of her mental facilities, could barely talk, wasn't always aware of what was going on around her, and only vaguely recognized me.  Neighbors told me that in recent months she had pretty much stopped eating and was living mostly on the calories in the alcoholic Manhattans she continued to have John make for her.  I stayed at the Farm visiting Betty and John in the hospital several times a day for a week or two till other family members could get there to take over.  As I left to return to Colorado I assumed that I had seem mother for the last time.

August 1993 after Betty and John were admitted to the hospital.

But Betty's wasn't ready to quit.  Shortly after I left her body started making red blood cells again and she got steadily better into the fall of 1993.  I returned at Christmas time (staying alone at the Farm) and Betty, while still in the hospital and sharing a room with John in what was called Intermediate Care status which simulated nursing home care, was vastly better.  She had gained weight, regained virtually all of her mental facilities and, in doing so, had made liars out of her doctors.  Betty and John would stay in the hospital (as "nursing home" patients) for almost a year from when they were admitted in August of 1993.  I returned again in May 1994 for a months stay.  They were both fine and stable in the hospital and, while John would have been very content to stay there indefinitely, Betty was interested in getting out of the hospital.  She had come to realize, however, that the Farm was not an ideal location for them any longer.  During my visit I worked to get the Farm ready to sell, helped list it with a realtor, and drove mother around town to look at handicapped accessible homes to buy or rent.  Betty wanted to stay at the Farm while I was visiting but I wouldn't allow it, each night taking her back to the hospital after our frequent drives around town or out to the Farm.  When I left Hermann that spring after a months visit I wasn't sure whether Betty and John would stay in the hospital till the farm sold and a suitable place in town could be found or whether they would again take up residence there.  As it turned out they would move back to the Farm in late July or early August 1994 having given the doctors assurances that Betty would eat properly and limit her intake of alcohol, a big concern among all family members.  (An interesting note:  while she and John were "nursing home" patients at the hospital Betty had used her considerable powers of persuasion to talk her doctors into prescribing an afternoon cocktail for each of them.  Each afternoon the nurses would prepare a Manhattan for John and Betty and deliver it to their room from a stock of whisky keep otherwise out of reach at the nurses station.  To the best of my knowledge they were the only patients at the Hermann hospital allowed to have alcoholic beverages and I've never know any other hospital to allow it.)

I returned for Christmas 1994 (as did Locke & Barb Alderson and their two kids) and Betty and John again seemed stable living at the Farm.  Betty appeared to be controlling her drinking and we all had a pleasant Christmas albeit somewhat less active then in earlier years.

June 1995 at her 60th Mary Institute reunion in St. Louis.  Betty (seated at right) attended many of her high school reunions during her Hermann years and many of her school mates remained close friends. She had to have a friend drive her to this reunion since she could  barely walk and had lost the use of her left arm.  This is the last  photo I have of Betty.  It was found posted on her kitchen refrigerator at the time of her death.

In the early spring of 1995 mother phoned with the news that the farm had sold and that she and John had signed a lease on a one story handicapped accessible and equipped duplex unit at 521 West 16th St. in Hermann right across the street from the hospital and doctors offices.  I returned to Hermann a few weeks later and spent about 5 weeks moving them into the duplex and cleaning out the farmhouse so the new owners could move in.  After 22 years living in their large home they had accumulated massive quantities of "stuff" (mother never threw anything out).  My biggest challenge in moving Betty and John into town was sorting stuff and trying to talk mother into throwing a bunch of it out or selling it.  What with her continually positive attitude, and even though she could barely walk and had lost the use of her left arm and hand, she was convinced that she would someday get better and need all her "stuff" again.  I was ultimately able to talk her into disposing of a lot of the stuff and that which she absolutely would not part with and that wouldn't fit into the duplex was placed in a nearby U-Store-It locker.  As I headed back to Colorado that June Betty and John settled into their new and much smaller and suitable quarters.  As in the past they were aided several times a week by their longtime house keeper Pauline, who cleaned, shopped for them, and drove them to appointments in town including the local beauty salon which Betty continued to frequent.  Betty had purchased a car upon moving back to the farm from the hospital in the fall of 1994 but, to the best of my knowledge, she and John never drove it, instead relying on Pauline or friends (who continued to regularly stop by) to provide transportation.  Pauline would drive the car weekly to make sure it stayed in good running condition.

5"x4" card used by Betty and John for years for thank-you notes, etc and as their 1976 Christmas Card.

I next visited for a long weekend in early May of 1996.  At the time both Betty and John were back in the hospital as "nursing home" patients again having medically slipped beyond the point where they could care for themselves.  It was clear that mother had deteriorated enough that John could no longer care for her in the duplex so I pretty much concluded that their return to the duplex was unlikely even though mother still assumed they would move back again.  As I had on previous visits while mother was in the hospital I regularly pushed mother's wheel chair out onto the hospital porch so she could have a cigarette or two (smoking inside was not allowed) and drove her around town so she could see the sights and get away from the hospital for a time.  John was never interested in joining us for these day trips away from the hospital.

In August the family phone and e-mail circuit started sending indications that Betty was getting weaker and that the cancer has spread to her brittle bones.  She'd apparently slipped when being helped in or out of her wheelchair and broken, I believe, a shoulder bone.  Betty continued to deteriorate and passed away in her sleep on September 9, 1996 shortly after her 79th birthday.  Her death certificate listed her immediate cause of death as "metastatic carcinoma of the breast".

Family members in front of the Hermann hospital on September 14, 1996.  We had all just visited John in his hospital room immediately prior to attending Betty's memorial service.

A few days later all of Betty and John's children and most grandchildren congregated in Hermann for Betty's memorial service at which I presided.  It was well attended by local friends as well as some from St. Louis.  John, still in the hospital, was to weak to attend the service.  We family members then spent a few days cleaning out the duplex and the U-Store-It locker, sorting and claiming family heirlooms, and closing out what had been a long and memorable part of Betty and John's life as well as of ours.

John's daughter Molly made arrangements to take John back to her home in Hawaii where he could be best cared for.  On September 21, the day Molly and John were to fly to Hawaii, John passed away at the Hermann hospital from what Molly described as "multiple systems failure".  He was 83.  John was cremated and his ashes went to Hawaii with his daughter.

As per her wishes, Betty was cremated and her remains laid to rest later in the fall in her family's plot in the Oakland Cemetery in Moberly, an old central Missouri railroad town about an hours drive north-west of Hermann.  She is buried with or near 4 generations of her Hulburd, Knowles, and Lukens ancestors.     

Fall 1996 burial of Betty's ashes by her son Henry  in the Oakland Cemetery, Moberly, Missouri. (Photo by Henry Hine)	The Hulburd-Knowles plot in the Oakland Cemetery, Moberly, Missouri (foreword most 5 gravestones). Photo taken in December 2001 by Ted Hine. (GPS N 39° 25.176’, W 092° 25.189’ ± 17 feet - WGS84 Datum)

The Hulburd-Knowles plot (3rd Addition, Block 21, Lot 13A) contains the graves of: (Upper stones left to right in the above-right photo) Earl Seward Hulburd (1928-1950, Betty's brother), then sharing one head stone: C. Earl Hulburd (1888-1952, Betty's father), Ella Knowles-Hulburd (1868-1943, Betty's grandmother), Henry E. Hulburd (1863-1945, Betty's grandfather).  (Lower stones left to right) Elizabeth Seward Hulburd-Hine-Alderson (1917-1996), Emma Knowles (1844-1902, Betty's great-grandmother), and Fernando (Ferd) Knowles (1836-1905, Betty's great-grandfather).

(GPS N 39° 25.224’, W 092° 25.198’ ± 10 feet - WGS84 Datum)

Left:  The Lukens plot in the Oakland Cemetery (2nd Addition, Block 10, Row 5, Lot 25), located only about 200 feet from the Hulburd-Knowles plot, contains more of Betty's ancestors.   They include (from left to right) Lula Lukens (1866-1957, wife of Jacob), Jacob Lukens (1854-1936), Rebecca Jane Lukens-Hulburd (1842-1916, mother of Henry E. Hulburd and Betty's great-grandmother), David Lukens (1854-1907), and Rachel Adair-Lukens (1825-1889, mother of Jacob, Rebecca, and David - Betty's great-great grandmother). Photo by Ted Hine, December 2003.

Video of Betty In the late 1980's and early 1990's Betty's son Henry shot home camcorder videos of his family, a relatively new amature technology at the time.  He and his family were living in St. Louis during this period and would regularly visit Betty and John at the Hermann farm on weekends and holidays.  I've selected some of Henry's video which contains footage of Betty and included it here.  I've edited it to capture some of Betty's unique  mannerisms, voice, personality, etc. In addition to Betty and John, the video clips below include (in no particular order) Cindy Bradley-Hine (Henry's wife), Charley and Kirt Hine (Henry's sons), Anna Bartow (Cindy's daughter by a previous marriage), Dick & Lu Bradley (Cindy's parents), Greg & Ilse Hine, and Ted Hine.